break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
