First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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