When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
