didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
