I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
