well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
