Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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