Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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