rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
