he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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