we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
