She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
try to milk me bitch
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
