I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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