By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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