dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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