My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
