I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
