what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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