before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
