You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
