Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
