she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
