none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
