I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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