It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
