You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
