Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
