Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is my gift to your gina
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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