He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
