If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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