I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sext me about skeletons
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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