You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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