Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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