another moral hangover. fuck.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
