Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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