I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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