I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you didnt know i had herpes?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
