32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
