this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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