You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
