Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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