I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
wow bdsm is so cute
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
