just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
