Screwed.edu
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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