I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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