wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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