i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
