Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
