Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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