I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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