but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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