Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
