Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
