i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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