i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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