it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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