After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
