Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
