He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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