Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can you bring me the toilet please
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
