I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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