i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
