Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
