It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
