she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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