grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
