He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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